Skinny Doesn't Equal Happy

Recently I started a new weekly Q and A series on Instagram all about body positivity and self love. A lot of the questions I get really stick with me, and I feel like I need to dedicate more than just one tiny snippet of Instagram story to the answer. A great example of this is this question here:

For me, this had one very obvious and simple answer that I had to share with everyone - skinny doesn't equal happy. Plain and simple.

(Disclaimer, before we really get into it: This isn't me saying skinny people can't be happy - this is me saying that if you work so hard to get skinny it doesn't mean it's going to make you happy. Hope that makes sense)

Really, there's so much more to speak about when it comes to weight and self love. It's all well and good me sitting there telling people that skinny doesn't equal happy but that's not going to be very helpful for them when they want to resolve their issue of having no confidence. This isn't the first time I've had a question like this and I'm sure it won't be the last - so let me talk about this in a bit more depth.


Your weight does not define you
You could be a size 0 or a size 20 and I can tell you now that your weight absolutely does not define you. When you're dead and gone, no one is going to remember you for your size or your weight. They'll remember you for the things you achieved, they way you treated people and how you made them feel.

There is so much more to a person than their weight and their clothes size and yet we spend such a huge portion of our time focusing on it. When I look back on my teenage years I feel truly sad that, from what I remember, almost all of my time was spent skipping whatever meals I could, eating as little as possible and doing anything I could to try and be skinnier, smaller, prettier. Honestly, doesn't that just break your heart? I bet for many of you reading this, you'll feel much the same. How much of your life have you spent trying to make yourself smaller, missing out on a takeaway with friends, skipping nights out to go to the gym? Probably a bigger portion than you'd like to admit.

And how much of that time were you happy? Because I can only speak for myself, but I was miserable. Utterly miserable. At my slimmest, I was trapped in an abusive relationship and even self harming at one point. I was always sad that I didn't think I looked as pretty or as skinny as my friends (I did, but I just didn't see it). I was sad that I didn't look how I thought I should look - and the sadder I got, the more I tortured myself over it and the worse I felt.

At my skinniest, my heaviest and where I am now

Fast forward seven years later to where I am today. I'm not the skinniest I've ever been and I'm not the biggest I've ever been. I'm comfortably sat in the middle somewhere, curvy with thick thighs, a lil' chubby belly and full of nothing but love for myself. I never turn down a take away, I never go to the gym, I walk as much as I can to get some form of fitness in and occasionally do a mini workout in the morning before work. I've found a balance that works for me and I'm so happy. Life gets so much better when you're focusing on all the good things, the exciting things - and not how many calories you're eating every day.


Confidence comes from within
If you're losing weight and not feeling confident, if you're gaining weight and not feeling confident, if you're dying your hair, getting surgery, trying new makeup looks, buying new clothes and still not feeling confident then you must be able to work this out for yourself - but let me tell you anyway.

Confidence requires a change of mindset and a change of attitude, both of which come from within you. No one else can make you feel more confident. No one can give you a pill or some medicine that miraculously makes you feel more confident in yourself. It's a character trait that you have to practice and work at every single day.

You can make any kind of alteration to your body that you like but if you haven't already changed the way you feel about yourself from within, you're still never going to feel confident - or happy, for that matter. You need to stop linking your physical appearance to how you feel about yourself as a person, because there really is no correlation. It doesn't matter if you're fat or thin, big boobs or small, brunette or blonde, you're always worthy of being valued, being loved and being respected. Until you can reset the way you think and learn this lesson, you won't ever feel confident or happy with yourself, no matter how you look.



Embrace the body you're in
You need to learn to love you whilst realising that the concept of "you" is ever fluctuating. Your body changes all the time - when you're pregnant, when you're on your period, when you're older, when you go through puberty, when you eat more and move less, when you eat less and move more... your body is always going through changes. And you won't ever be able to embrace that or feel comfortable with it until you learn to love your body no matter what. 

Your body works 24/7, from the moment you're conceived and begin to grow up until the day you day. You're always breathing, your blood is always flowing, your brain is always keeping you alive. Your body is capable of incredible things, your mind can invent amazing ideas, your hands can write words that can change the world... why are you pinning your worth and self love onto how you look? It just seems so small in comparison to everything else about your body.

Once you begin to love yourself, nothing else will matter. You won't care when you gain a few pounds, you won't celebrate when you lose a few. You won't care if your boobs aren't the perkiest, if your bum isn't the roundest, if you have a thigh gap or not. You'll eat on your own terms, choosing what you want when you want it. No matter what, you'll feel beautiful, happy and comfortable in your body. You'll truly only begin to live your best life when you love your life and everything in it - including yourself!

And finally...


Skinny doesn't equal happy
If you're still pinning your weight to your happiness, you need to stop.

Skinniness doesn't equate to happiness, and I just can't express this enough. True happiness can not be tied to your physical appearance, because it only really comes from within.What really makes you happy? Puppies, the beach, good food, your favourite cocktail, ice cream, rain falling whilst you're tucked up in bed, hearing your favourite song, Fridays? Make a list, and then go out of your way to experience more of what makes you truly happy.

Your body shouldn't be what makes you happy but you should be happy with it and in it - no matter what it looks like. It's an amazing thing and you need to remind yourself of that every single day. 

Of course there will be ups and downs, highs and lows. Some days you will feel frustrated when you flick through a magazine and don't see any bodies that look like yours. But it's okay. The media has pushed the same, tiny bodies on us for years and it is only going to continue (although we can do all we can to try and change this). But this is what I'm saying - self love, body positivity and confidence all take practice and are things you need to work at every single day. They don't usually come naturally, because we're only ever told to be one thing, one thing that counts:

Skinny.

There's so much more to life than being skinny, and if you're feeling unhappy, being skinny will not change that. Self love, body positivity and confidence all come from within. Start working at it now and you'll get there eventually - I promise.

Love from,
Florence Grace

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