Sex on Trial
*Trigger Warning: This post contains sensitive content discussing rape and sexual assault*.
Last night (02.11.15) BBC Three showed a documentary titled "Is this rape? Sex on Trial". Being the opinionated woman I am, and with my strong views on rape, sexual assault and consent, I knew that this was something I would have to watch- and share my opinion on.
Which I did via Twitter of course, with the hashtag #sexontrial. Many of the people I follow joined in and the whole evening, from when the program started to long after it had ended, was filled with accusations, outrage, swearing, shock, denial and everything in between.
The show was hosted by 4Music presenter, Will Best, and focused on 24 teenagers/young adults, of both sexes, and a variety of ages who were taken to a house and shown a staged drama made for the purpose of the documentary of a sexual encounter at a party between a boy and a girl. The group of young adults then had to discuss and decide whether or not the encounter was rape. With Will Best playing devil's advocate, and some real life victims thrown into the mix, the whole program was tense, frustrating and eye opening.
I genuinely had no idea that so many people did not have a clear understanding of what rape and consent is.
*SPOILER ALERT* In the drama, it was so clear to me immediately that the sexual encounter shown was rape. I didn't need to hear the different individual's stories, I didn't need a discussion. The young man started to kiss the young woman whilst she was asleep, before sticking his penis into her mouth. She quite clearly did not consent, he did not look for consent and therefore it was rape.
The fact that this had to be discussed and caused conflicting opinions and arguments showed me that a better education on rape is needed desperately.
I'm not going to shove Google definitions at you and tell you what I believe you should already know. What I will tell you is the things that you can't find on Google about consent and that is this:
If a girl/boy (because yes, both sexes can and are raped) remains silent that is not consent. Saying nothing is not saying yes.
If someone is dressed in what you believe is a sexually provocative way, that is not consent. They are not asking for it, in the same way that somebody not wearing a suit of armour is asking to be stabbed! Don't be so ridiculous- it makes me retch that some people still even believe this to be true.
"Come hither" eyes at a party, along with flirty "banter" and being cheeky in a cute way, especially whilst under the influence of alcohol but also without, is not consenting.
Sending a certain amount of kisses in a text is not consenting.
Not pushing you away is not consenting.
The only form of consent is somebody giving you verbal permission to have a sexual encounter with them. Regardless of whether it's kissing, oral sex or penetrative sex, if you don't have permission, don't do it.
How can so many people be so clueless? Why are we not having these sorts of things taught in school? Why are we still stuck firmly in the belief that men are rapists and women are victims and that it's never the other way around? Why do we still say people are asking for it, because of how they look or behave?
No one- I repeat, no one- asks to be raped.
Similarly, why are we always ready to shame a victim of rape? Why do we sit and accuse them, tell them what we feel they should have done, ask them whether they care that they are ruining their attackers life? As a victim, it is not your fault. We're so quick to defend a rapist over a victim, always assuming that they're crying wolf. Why is that? It's no one's fault. No one chooses to be attacked. No one asks for it.
No one asks to be raped.
If you're raped, or sexually assaulted in any way, it is not your fault.
Whilst you may disagree with the program, the outcome of the documentary's drama or my own opinions, one thing has been made abundantly clear; we need a better education on what rape and consent are. Maybe then, with a better education under our belts, issues like these may begin to decrease.
Understand what rape is. When having sex, keep on checking that this is okay, that you both want this and are comfortable. It's not embarrassing, prude or awkward. It's polite, it's safe and it's needed.
Love from,
Florence Grace
Did you watch the documentary? What did you think? Let me know in the comments below!
Last night (02.11.15) BBC Three showed a documentary titled "Is this rape? Sex on Trial". Being the opinionated woman I am, and with my strong views on rape, sexual assault and consent, I knew that this was something I would have to watch- and share my opinion on.
Which I did via Twitter of course, with the hashtag #sexontrial. Many of the people I follow joined in and the whole evening, from when the program started to long after it had ended, was filled with accusations, outrage, swearing, shock, denial and everything in between.
The show was hosted by 4Music presenter, Will Best, and focused on 24 teenagers/young adults, of both sexes, and a variety of ages who were taken to a house and shown a staged drama made for the purpose of the documentary of a sexual encounter at a party between a boy and a girl. The group of young adults then had to discuss and decide whether or not the encounter was rape. With Will Best playing devil's advocate, and some real life victims thrown into the mix, the whole program was tense, frustrating and eye opening.
I genuinely had no idea that so many people did not have a clear understanding of what rape and consent is.
*SPOILER ALERT* In the drama, it was so clear to me immediately that the sexual encounter shown was rape. I didn't need to hear the different individual's stories, I didn't need a discussion. The young man started to kiss the young woman whilst she was asleep, before sticking his penis into her mouth. She quite clearly did not consent, he did not look for consent and therefore it was rape.
The fact that this had to be discussed and caused conflicting opinions and arguments showed me that a better education on rape is needed desperately.
I'm not going to shove Google definitions at you and tell you what I believe you should already know. What I will tell you is the things that you can't find on Google about consent and that is this:
If a girl/boy (because yes, both sexes can and are raped) remains silent that is not consent. Saying nothing is not saying yes.
If someone is dressed in what you believe is a sexually provocative way, that is not consent. They are not asking for it, in the same way that somebody not wearing a suit of armour is asking to be stabbed! Don't be so ridiculous- it makes me retch that some people still even believe this to be true.
"Come hither" eyes at a party, along with flirty "banter" and being cheeky in a cute way, especially whilst under the influence of alcohol but also without, is not consenting.
Sending a certain amount of kisses in a text is not consenting.
Not pushing you away is not consenting.
The only form of consent is somebody giving you verbal permission to have a sexual encounter with them. Regardless of whether it's kissing, oral sex or penetrative sex, if you don't have permission, don't do it.
How can so many people be so clueless? Why are we not having these sorts of things taught in school? Why are we still stuck firmly in the belief that men are rapists and women are victims and that it's never the other way around? Why do we still say people are asking for it, because of how they look or behave?
No one- I repeat, no one- asks to be raped.
Similarly, why are we always ready to shame a victim of rape? Why do we sit and accuse them, tell them what we feel they should have done, ask them whether they care that they are ruining their attackers life? As a victim, it is not your fault. We're so quick to defend a rapist over a victim, always assuming that they're crying wolf. Why is that? It's no one's fault. No one chooses to be attacked. No one asks for it.
No one asks to be raped.
If you're raped, or sexually assaulted in any way, it is not your fault.
Whilst you may disagree with the program, the outcome of the documentary's drama or my own opinions, one thing has been made abundantly clear; we need a better education on what rape and consent are. Maybe then, with a better education under our belts, issues like these may begin to decrease.
Understand what rape is. When having sex, keep on checking that this is okay, that you both want this and are comfortable. It's not embarrassing, prude or awkward. It's polite, it's safe and it's needed.
Love from,
Florence Grace
Did you watch the documentary? What did you think? Let me know in the comments below!
Completely agree, and you've written it so beautifully! No one ever asks for sexual assault, whether that's a grope, to full on sex, and the more awareness there is of it, the more likely we are to educate people on it! <3
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Nikki, really appreciate that comment! xx
DeleteHi, I was one of the teenagers who was part of the show (the second freckled blonde girl who defended the victim throughout.) Really enjoyed your post, as aired I was so surprised to sit with a group of young women who were not only defending the rapist but actually attacking the victim. However the hour programme was cut from 50 hours + filming and it was very much edited so that two clear sides emerged when in fact most who defended Tom changed their opinion with more information and debate. Which to me just shows how necessary education on the issue is. Thanks x
ReplyDeleteHi Sophie, great to hear from you! Yes I did see some people such as yourself making comments about how so much was missed out- I bet that was very frustrating to watch! Yes, more education is definitely necessary! Thanks for your views x
DeleteYES. I did not see the show, but I completely agree that more awareness and education needs to be happening around ideas of consent. I agree with your last point too that even if you are already having sex with someone, you shouldn't be afraid to speak up if you aren't enjoying it, and neither should your partner. It really saddens me to know that people are afraid of speaking up - it might not be rape per say, but if you aren't enjoying sex then you shouldn't be having it.
ReplyDeleteMegan | Lazy Thoughts
You should definitely watch the show if you can, it was very frustrating but very eye opening- as said in my post, I didn't realise people lacked such knowledge on consent and rape!! Yes, we need to encourage people to speak up as well as educating them on what's right and wrong!
Delete