More than two- a new way to love?

If anybody has been watching the newest series of Made In Chelsea, MICNYC, you will have been introduced to a fairly new concept by the slightly slimy New Yorker, Jules- Polyamorous love. In the series, New Yorker Jules Hamilton takes a love interest in Chelsea girl, Rosie. Whilst Rosie begins to fall head over heels for what appears to be a handsome, charming young man, co-stars Binky and Louise later reveal to her that Jules has a girlfriend, and is seeing 3 other girls as well as Rosie in what is called a 'polyamorous relationship'.

So what does being polyamorous mean? Polyamory is defined as the acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. To the ladies on screen- and off!- this sounded a lot like 'slutty behavior' and 'cheating', whilst to men this sounded like a dream set up. Needless to say they were far more open to the idea than the Chelsea ladies.

But is polyamory all about being unfaithful and the inability to commit? I took some time to do a little research of my own into this unusual relationship idea...

Human beings have very animalistic instincts. Males especially are not genetically made to be monogamous- they are made up with the genetics that tell them they need to reproduce as much as they can with the best mates they can find- right back to our animal roots. Women are a little less like this- once they have had sex with someone, they form a chemical connection with them and are more likely than a man to want to stay faithful and become 'dependent' (or to the male mind, clingy). Whilst all of this goes on subconsciously, more consciously we have tried to tame these animal instincts with the ritual of marriage. When you marry someone, you vow to love them 'til death do you part'. That means loving one person for your whole life. Not 3, 4, 5 people. 

However, over the last 10 years there have been some dramatic relationship changes. Divorce rates have been higher than ever, with half of all marriages now ending in divorce. We have legalized marriage between two men and two women. We have been able to open our minds to these new ideas and changes- so why are so many people so close minded towards polyamorous relationships? 

A lot of relationships end when partners become bored of each other and the same old routine that they have fallen into. This is something that can't ever happen in a polyamorous relationship. Some relationships end due to one or both partner being unfaithful, leading to a lot of upset and grief. However, in a polyamorous relationship, both partners are open about who they're seeing and what they do with who they see- leading to a potentially happier relationship than a monogamous one for all involved. 

This isn't to say that being polyamorous isn't complicated though. From a young age we are taught to emulate the social convention of marriage. We read it in books, we see it in films and photos. We know the structure of a nuclear family and married life like the back of our hands, and by the time we reach the age to become married, we know exactly what to expect. For those choosing to become polyamorous, they have no idea what to expect. In a polyamorous relationship, all participants must make all the rules themselves- they have no idea what consequences may follow and what issues may lie ahead. 

And what about children? Whilst children nowadays can be used to having two mummy's or daddy's or various step-parents, could a child become used to having multiple mummy's and daddy's? Could people in a polyamorous relationship even have children? It would be full of complications if children were conceived naturally, and would more than likely be refused by foster homes and adopting agencies. Suddenly letting two people of the same sex have children seems more appealing to the authorities than letting a group of 5 men and women adopt a child. 

I try to remain very open minded about the way people choose to live their lives, and I have remained open minded about this also. It is my opinion that if polyamory works for you and all your partners then there is no reason as to why you should not participate in that style of relationship. If it makes you happy, then there is no reason to be forced into a monogamous relationship because of society's expectations of a what a relationship must be. 

That being said, it is also my opinion that whilst polyamory may be good for a while, for example whilst you are younger, when the time comes that you want to start a family and have children, it is probably not an overly great idea. Children deserve to grow up in a stable family unit, and it is hard to have one if the adult figures in their life are constantly changing. 

To me, polyamory seems like a bit of fun. You're young, you're free, you don't need to commit. But the older you get and the more serious you get about what you want from life- like children- I believe it may be better to become monogamous. Even if that doesn't necessarily mean marriage, I think a child needs two parents for stability, not 5, 6 or maybe even more. 

I don't believe that it is always about 'greed' and the inability to commit, or even the inability to love someone fully. I believe it is just about being relaxed before you have to 'grow up' and become 'serious'. I believe it is about fun and about freedom. Whilst it's not for everyone, for some others, it works. At the end of the day, if what you're doing makes you happy, that's all that counts, but personally, polyamory is not for me. 

Love from, 

Florence Grace 

What do you think about polyamorous relationships? Are they the way forward? Let me know what you think in the comments below or get in touch using the links in the side bar!