Internet Trolls.

"Bitch"

"Whore"

"Pathetic"

"Attention seeker"

"Man hater"

"Embarrassing" 


Don't these words make your skin crawl? When you imagine somebody calling you pathetic? When you picture someone standing right in front of you, looking you in the eye's and calling you a whore?

Don't worry. That's not something I've ever had to deal with.

Instead, I dealt with having these words, plus many more, flung at me almost every day for the vast majority of my teenage life via the "safe" platforms of social media. I've been named and shamed for things I haven't even done, had screenshots of my statuses, blog posts and comments shared on Twitter with hundreds of people making nasty comments. I've had subtweets about me, almost every day.


The worst part is, about 40% of these people were people I called friends. People I spoke to and hung out with regularly. Yet what kind of "friends" favourites an "indirect tweet" about you, retweets it and has a laugh at your expense? Not any kind of friend I want, that's for sure.

But this isn't a poor little me post, I'm not writing this to gain your sympathy- because it's not just happening to me. It's happening to hundreds and hundreds of people every single day of their lives. Not everyone is lucky enough to live to tell their story as I have been...because many of these "internet troll" cases end in suicide. Now, with the arrival of a Facebook "dislike" button on the horizon which is definitely going to lead to more drama and nastiness, its time to talk about online bullies and how to get past them.

Let's imagine this scenario. You use social media every day, just like everyone else. You share images of your family, your dog, what you had for breakfast, just like everyone else. You use the right Instagram filter, don't over do it on the Twitter hashtags and keep up with current social media trends, just like everyone else. And yet for some reason, something is wrong. You're doing exactly what everyone else does, yet you have been specially selected by everyone else in your year at school/uni to be picked on. Whatever you upload is humorous and wrong to them, worthy of you being called names, having nasty things said about you and what seems to be the whole internet ganging up on you. You ignore it at first. You're sure that this fad will pass like all other social media trends. 

But it doesn't. It gets worse, and happens more frequently. More people join in so that they aren't left out- because if they're left out, they might be put in your position too, and who would want that for themselves? You begin to let it get to you. You're miserable all the time, you spend nights lying awake wondering what you ever did wrong, you cry yourself to sleep...only to have to wake up for it to go on and on. You report it to the help centres of Twitter and Facebook but nothing is done. You report it to school and the police but they can't do anything "yet". You're totally and utterly alone in this situation and no one can help you out of it. As it gets worse and worse, and the stress becomes unbearable, you decide to take your life...because it's just not worth living any more.

Now, let's imagine a different scenario. You use social media every day, just like everyone else. You share images of your family, your dog, what you had for breakfast, just like everyone else. You use the right Instagram fiter, don't over do it on Twitter with the hashtags and keep up with the current social media trends. Your life online is perfect. So your family might be falling apart, but one image online tells a different story and everyone says how envious they are of your happy family life. Your dog might be so old it's nearly dying but with the right filter it looks as young as a puppy and everyone tells you how cute he is. Breakfast may have been rank and you probably threw it away because none of your slim and perfect friends eat breakfast so why should you? But hey, it made for a nice Instagram picture and got 175 likes, so life is all good. 

Its exhausting for you to keep up this online persona though...sometimes you want to have a break. But if someone see's a chink in your armour, see's that you're insecure like everyone else, you'll die of embarrassment. You've got to turn the spotlight on someone else...who just posted on my feed...her? Yeah she'll do..."LOL your dog is so ugly". 

Not necessary but it's something for everyone else to laugh at. Later at school, you find out it works. The victim shrugs it off, laughs along too and whilst you feel bad, you know no one is looking at you and your own life. So you carry on, another comment the next day. And then the next and the next and before you know it, everyone joins in. You and your friends spend your life in front of your phones and laptops analysing every move your chosen victim makes. All day every day you share screenshots of what she says, write indirect tweets about her and all have a laugh. No one's looking at your not-so-perfect life any more because they're all looking at her. 

Until one day she's gone. Your teacher comes in and informs you of the awful news. Your victim has committed suicide. You've spent the last year of your life essentially murdering someone. You sat behind a screen doing nothing to fix your own life, but instead trying to destroy someone else's. Now, she is dead. 


Not everyone who suffers from online bullies and internet trolls ends their life, but others do begin to self harm, drink or take drugs, drop hobbies and become withdrawn- in short, it really does affect people's lives.

When I was bullied and harassed online, a conversation like this took place:

"Who is Flo Matthews and why is she all over my news feed?"

"She's just some random girl from the high school"

"But what has she even done wrong lol?"

"Literally nothing, it's just funny"

That was the point when I changed my mind set. These horrible bullies had admitted themselves that I had done nothing wrong. This was all just for their humour, so that they could have a laugh. Their lives were that empty and boring that they had to spend their time making fun of mine...for absolutely no reason. I was just unlucky.

This is what I want to tell everyone else who has suffered, is suffering or will suffer in the future at the hands of online trolls and bullies.

You have not done anything wrong.

There is nothing wrong with you.

Internet trolls and bullies are living very unhappy lives. Psychological assessments, such as one spoken about in a recent podcast on Radio 1, have said that online trolls have problems with self esteem and with their lives at home, as well as confidence issues. This causes them to find someone else and make them feel as unhappy as they do. Their is something wrong with the way their mind functions because they think it's normal behaviour to destroy someone from behind a computer screen, and it's really, really not.

Saying this doesn't help though, I know. So here's what you can do if you're being harassed and bullied online:

• Screenshot any nasty abuse directed towards you, written about you or in response to what you have said. It is important to keep this as evidence in case anything further happens. Police will want to see everything. 
• Block everyone and anyone who joins in. Not just writing the nasty tweets and posts but also the people who retweet and favourite. Whilst they're not actively writing about you, they're still joining in and it's not okay.
• Tighten all of your security settings, and set your Instagram and Twitter accounts to private. 
• TELL SOMEONE. Never keep it to yourself. I did this for three years and no good came of it. Whilst the adults you tell may not be particularly helpful (mine weren't at all), you'll feel better knowing that someone responsible knows. 

I did all of the above when I was being bullied. My school bought in a police officer to give us a talk in one of our current issues assemblies all about online bullying and online safety in the hopes that it might make the bullies back off- it did not. When me and my boyfriend contacted the police, they refused to help me until I was physically hurt by the bullies, but said I should keep all of the screenshots for them, so I have done. Finally, my block list is so long on Twitter it takes about 10 minutes to scroll through it. 

I'm one of the lucky ones. I had my boyfriend, some real friends and my family supporting me. Thank goodness, because without a good support system, I may have been one of many who ends their life thanks to online bullies. 

It's important to have a support system, even if it's just one person. They can look out for you, look for signs that you might be heading towards a sad end and try to help you. It can be an adult, a teacher, someone in your family, a friend or even a councillor from your local Connexions or from school. There is always someone you can talk to. 

Never let someone who has nothing better to do with their time than sit on a laptop writing nasty comments for no reason ruin your life. 

Remember that their life is already worse than yours. You're out doing things, living your life...they're sat behind a screen commenting on it. You may as well be a celebrity. 

Stay strong and don't give anyone the power to destroy you. 

Love from, 

Florence Grace

Please feel free to message me privately if you need someone to help you or to talk to. My emails, DM's and facebook inbox are always open. xxx