People throw rocks at things that shine
Bullying. A word we all learn to become familiar with from a young age- which in itself says a lot about the society we live in. Bullying can take many shapes and forms and isn't always recognizable. It can affect people mentally, physically and emotionally. It can be done in the work place, in the street, in schools or clubs, over the internet. And most importantly of all- it can happen to anyone.
Here in the United Kingdom, there is currently no legal definition of bullying. This only proves more so that it can be so complex, and sometimes so hard to pinpoint in all of its forms. Defining bullying does seem nearly impossible when it can cover so much. So whilst we can't define exactly what bullying is, what we can define is what a bully is. A bully is "a person who uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker".
That is what bullying ultimately comes down to- having power and control. Bully's often feel the need to have power and control over other people because they feel as though they lack power and control in their own life. This could be for a multitude of reasons- they themselves have been bullied before and want to feel powerful again, they could be being bullied at home or at work, they might be jealous of you and what you have achieved/are achieving, they might be unhappy with a certain aspect of their own life. The list could go on and on. Either way, a bully just wants to feel better about themselves, more secure in their own skin and about the person they are. Unfortunately, the only way they feel they can achieve this is to make others feel worse about themselves- and by encouraging others to make the chosen victim feel worse about themselves as well.
Encouraging others to join in is also a way for a bully to gain power. The more people that are on the bully's side, the stronger the bully will feel. The bully will often rally it's 'troops' through the fear factor- people would rather be on the bully's side than be the victim of the bully, and so even if they don't agree with the bullying they choose to side with them for an easy life.
As I have already said, bullying can happen to anyone. It doesn't always have to be through violence- it can be through words and intimidation, through pictures and immature acts such as acting as though the person doesn't exist. It has no boundaries when it comes to age, gender, race- anyone can be bullied at any time. Approximately 69% of children report being bullied. 87% of parents a year report their child being bullied. 85% of people reported witnessing bullying. But shockingly, given all these statistics, only 20% of people admitted to bullying. These statistics are horrific for anyone to read, but also goes to show how bullying happens around us, every day, yet we are so often blind to it.
It is important that people can differentiate between bullying and a simple squabble between 'friends and equals'. Bullying is always an unprovoked attack. No one ever asks to be bullied, and no one ever deserves it. It is always an attack done 'for the sake of it'- yet the consequences are often exceptionally serious. Suicide, self harm, damaged self confidence, a change in personality, becoming withdrawn from school and work and becoming closed off from the world can all be consequences of bullying. It is sad but true that a victim of bullying is more likely to cause harm to themselves or to shut down than to seek out help- this is something that needs to change.
As a victim of bullying myself, I will be the first to admit that it is difficult to come forward and say the words out loud "I am being bullied. I need help". It becomes even harder the older you get, as it becomes 'embarrassing' to admit that as an adult you can't stand up for yourself, that you are being pushed around by someone else. This is a scenario that has recently been portrayed in TV soap 'Hollyoaks', where teacher Jon Paul was too embarrassed to admit he was being bullied by a pupil, for fear of being perceived as 'weak'.
It is important that victims of bullying remember that they are not weak. They do not deserve this. They have done nothing wrong. As hard as it is, you must deal with the situation sooner rather than later. I personally left my own situation too late, and let it go too far. It is important for people who are being bullied to know that they are not alone. There are always people who are going through the same thing as them, and who have been through the situation themselves. Even if there is no one you feel comfortable talking to, there is people you can call, such as the NSPCC and Childline. You can even talk to councilors at your local Connexions unit, or within your school. You must never forget that there is always someone to talk to.
So, next time you are at school and see a group of girls calling nasty names at the quiet girl in your class, don't sit there in silence. If you're at the park and see a boy being picked on by a bigger lad in a game of football, don't sit there in silence. If you're on twitter and you see people writing nasty tweets about someone else, don't sit there in silence. Don't be the 85% who report witnessing bullying. Make a new statistic- be the 100% of people who do something about it. Tell an adult, tell a friend, talk to the person being victimized or even the bully themselves. Stand up for the victim and show the bully that they are not as powerful as they think.
Always remember to keep yourself safe too. If you feel that the bully will become even more violent and threatening towards either the victim or yourself through confrontation, find an adult you can confide in to approach the situation themselves. Bullying can become very serious, and whilst it is so important to prevent it from happening, it is also important to look after yourself too.
Most people are bullied in their lives at one point or another. Most people keep quiet about it. Please, don't be scared to be the 'tell tale'. Don't be scared to 'get the bully in trouble'. More often than not, the bully is a sad, lonely person who needs help. Whilst this does not excuse their behavior in any way, by reporting bullying you could be helping more than just the victim.
If you feel that you are being bullied, or need someone to talk to about bullying, here are some numbers you can call.
Childline: 0800 1111
National Bullying Helpline: 0845 22 55 787
Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-68-68
Life may seem tough now, but 'after every storm comes a rainbow'. Life will get better, and you can get through this. You are never alone.
Love from,
Florence Grace
If you can relate to the issues in this post please call one of the numbers provided, or feel free to get in touch with me using one of the links in the sidebar or in the comments section below.
Here in the United Kingdom, there is currently no legal definition of bullying. This only proves more so that it can be so complex, and sometimes so hard to pinpoint in all of its forms. Defining bullying does seem nearly impossible when it can cover so much. So whilst we can't define exactly what bullying is, what we can define is what a bully is. A bully is "a person who uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker".
That is what bullying ultimately comes down to- having power and control. Bully's often feel the need to have power and control over other people because they feel as though they lack power and control in their own life. This could be for a multitude of reasons- they themselves have been bullied before and want to feel powerful again, they could be being bullied at home or at work, they might be jealous of you and what you have achieved/are achieving, they might be unhappy with a certain aspect of their own life. The list could go on and on. Either way, a bully just wants to feel better about themselves, more secure in their own skin and about the person they are. Unfortunately, the only way they feel they can achieve this is to make others feel worse about themselves- and by encouraging others to make the chosen victim feel worse about themselves as well.
Encouraging others to join in is also a way for a bully to gain power. The more people that are on the bully's side, the stronger the bully will feel. The bully will often rally it's 'troops' through the fear factor- people would rather be on the bully's side than be the victim of the bully, and so even if they don't agree with the bullying they choose to side with them for an easy life.
As I have already said, bullying can happen to anyone. It doesn't always have to be through violence- it can be through words and intimidation, through pictures and immature acts such as acting as though the person doesn't exist. It has no boundaries when it comes to age, gender, race- anyone can be bullied at any time. Approximately 69% of children report being bullied. 87% of parents a year report their child being bullied. 85% of people reported witnessing bullying. But shockingly, given all these statistics, only 20% of people admitted to bullying. These statistics are horrific for anyone to read, but also goes to show how bullying happens around us, every day, yet we are so often blind to it.
It is important that people can differentiate between bullying and a simple squabble between 'friends and equals'. Bullying is always an unprovoked attack. No one ever asks to be bullied, and no one ever deserves it. It is always an attack done 'for the sake of it'- yet the consequences are often exceptionally serious. Suicide, self harm, damaged self confidence, a change in personality, becoming withdrawn from school and work and becoming closed off from the world can all be consequences of bullying. It is sad but true that a victim of bullying is more likely to cause harm to themselves or to shut down than to seek out help- this is something that needs to change.
As a victim of bullying myself, I will be the first to admit that it is difficult to come forward and say the words out loud "I am being bullied. I need help". It becomes even harder the older you get, as it becomes 'embarrassing' to admit that as an adult you can't stand up for yourself, that you are being pushed around by someone else. This is a scenario that has recently been portrayed in TV soap 'Hollyoaks', where teacher Jon Paul was too embarrassed to admit he was being bullied by a pupil, for fear of being perceived as 'weak'.
It is important that victims of bullying remember that they are not weak. They do not deserve this. They have done nothing wrong. As hard as it is, you must deal with the situation sooner rather than later. I personally left my own situation too late, and let it go too far. It is important for people who are being bullied to know that they are not alone. There are always people who are going through the same thing as them, and who have been through the situation themselves. Even if there is no one you feel comfortable talking to, there is people you can call, such as the NSPCC and Childline. You can even talk to councilors at your local Connexions unit, or within your school. You must never forget that there is always someone to talk to.
So, next time you are at school and see a group of girls calling nasty names at the quiet girl in your class, don't sit there in silence. If you're at the park and see a boy being picked on by a bigger lad in a game of football, don't sit there in silence. If you're on twitter and you see people writing nasty tweets about someone else, don't sit there in silence. Don't be the 85% who report witnessing bullying. Make a new statistic- be the 100% of people who do something about it. Tell an adult, tell a friend, talk to the person being victimized or even the bully themselves. Stand up for the victim and show the bully that they are not as powerful as they think.
Always remember to keep yourself safe too. If you feel that the bully will become even more violent and threatening towards either the victim or yourself through confrontation, find an adult you can confide in to approach the situation themselves. Bullying can become very serious, and whilst it is so important to prevent it from happening, it is also important to look after yourself too.
Most people are bullied in their lives at one point or another. Most people keep quiet about it. Please, don't be scared to be the 'tell tale'. Don't be scared to 'get the bully in trouble'. More often than not, the bully is a sad, lonely person who needs help. Whilst this does not excuse their behavior in any way, by reporting bullying you could be helping more than just the victim.
If you feel that you are being bullied, or need someone to talk to about bullying, here are some numbers you can call.
Childline: 0800 1111
National Bullying Helpline: 0845 22 55 787
Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-68-68
Life may seem tough now, but 'after every storm comes a rainbow'. Life will get better, and you can get through this. You are never alone.
Love from,
Florence Grace
If you can relate to the issues in this post please call one of the numbers provided, or feel free to get in touch with me using one of the links in the sidebar or in the comments section below.
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