The worst thing about my break up

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Break up's aren't nice or easy for anybody. There's pain, frustration, tears and everything else in between. My break up was no different. There was pain- a lot of pain. Frustration- more than a lot. Tears? More than ever before. Half the time I feel like Beyonce, strong and independent, and the other half I feel like Bridget Jones, downing vodka and screaming "all by myself" at the top of my lungs.

I've been left, not only in a state of confusion but a state of hurt. And it's all down to the one factor of my break up that I can't deal with. The worst thing about my break up.

My ex stopped loving me.

Okay, okay, that sounds extreme. He "had doubts". His feelings for me were unclear, he didn't know how he felt or if he loved me. For me, that was enough and I left the relationship- because I deserve someone who is 100% about me, right?

Anyway.

I was left feeling all the things you would normally feel after a break up, but with an extra, horrible and miserable feeling in addition to them all- the feeling that I was totally unlovable. I had given my all to one person and it had not been enough to keep them staying 100% in love with the person that I am. What was so bad about me, so wrong about me? Why wasn't I deserving of this persons love, despite me totally adoring them and doting on them?

It is one of the worst feelings in the world. I am unloved and unlovable.

Of course, I know this is not true. My friends love me, my family love me. But on the lowest points on the worst days, this is how I feel- unloved and unlovable.

I never thought that I'd feel this way, least of all at the hands of a person that I so totally adored. It was a shock to the system. And whilst every day I do feel better, about the situation and about myself, this still lingers at the back of my mind.

I am unloved and unlovable.

The person I thought- and had planned to- spend the rest of my life with stopped loving me. No explanation as to why, no reasoning, no chance to tell me how to be better or improve on myself. Simply stopped feeling anything for me. It is was the worst.

I use the past tense because I am trying so hard, every day, not to let this define me. Like I said, people do love me. My family and my friends. I have everything going for me in life- several good jobs, my health, a good sense of humour, my own business and- most importantly- my happiness. And that's all that matters. That's all that counts. At the end of the day, it's my ex's loss, and I'm sure when I am rich and famous he will tell everyone about how he used to know me, how we had such a great thing and the like. And I hope when he reminisces on the times we shared as he brags to people about knowing me, he feels the same pain that I have felt for months now. It sounds selfish, unfair, cruel even. But I can't help it. Right now, I hope that's how he will feel.

I am unloved and unlovable.

But only as long as I let myself be.

Love from,
Florence Grace


Like this? Why not try... 10 ways to get through a break up | 9 stages of a break up | Do you date to marry?

Comments

  1. What Lyd Did6 February 2016 at 13:30

    Flo (can I call you that?) there are SO many things about you that are loveable. You are the most driven, bold, powerful girl I know, and I have never met anyone who has worked as hard. if you put even half of the effort you put into your future as you do into your relationships, you have a very lucky partner.

    As gimpy as it sounds, the most important thing is loving yourself, and you already wrote that you deserve someone who loves you with everything. You know exactly what you want and work tirelessly to get it. Keep loving yourself, and the rest will follow.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Florence Grace6 February 2016 at 13:39

    Lydia, of course you may! Thank you so much for such a lovely comment, I really do appreciate that. I hope one day I find someone who really does appreciate and love me- I guess the timing just wasn't right at the moment! Thanks again for such a lovely and caring comment, lots of love x

    ReplyDelete
  3. Unknown7 February 2016 at 14:34

    lovely Flo,as you know i have always said that you have a tremendous future ahead of you and in this future it will include that someone who loves you more than life itself and he will be your Mr Right and he is something to look forward to and you will both find eachother! Unfortunately some people never turn out to be the people that we hoped they would be and the people that we so wish they were but thats who they are! You will never be unloved and unlovable but you already know that and for this,i am very happy.Stay strong lovely Flo and i know you will,you have a great future ahead and as you have said about him bragging about knowing you when you have made it,yes he will look back on what has happened with regret but what is more important is that you will look back knowing that it was his loss but you will also realise that it was probably the best thing that ever happened to as you deserved better and you will at this stage,have better,but you will also have the memory of the good times which will always be part of who are are.I hope this makes sense xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Florence Grace8 February 2016 at 15:36

    Thank you for all of that Hollie. You've been my supporter from Day 1 of blogging and I will always appreciate your presence in my life xxx

    ReplyDelete

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