Relationships- a learning curve!

I am just 19, and am currently in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend- and have been for nearly 5 years now. When we first started "going out" aged just 14, I'm pretty sure that neither one of us had imagined that we would spend the rest of our teenage years together, not only growing up as an individual person, but growing and changing as a partnership too.

When we first started dating, it was pretty unusual for couples to last as long as we did- of course it was, we were 14/15! However, whenever I'm browsing (aka stalking) through social media pages of people a few years younger than me, I can't help but notice that it's becoming more and more common for couples of a very young age to "go out" for a matter of years. This surprised me, and then it inspired me to write a post, listing all the things that I learnt throughout my teenage years whilst in a long term relationship and how it effected both me and my boyfriend. Whether you're in a long term relationship, just got into one, out of one or are thinking about getting into one, I hope this post will provide you with advice, pointers or maybe just a good laugh!

1. Arguments happen. Boy, do they happen. It's probably mainly due to the fact that both me and my partner have incredibly short fuses, mixed with the fact that we're both so stubborn neither one of us will ever back down, but I'd also like to tell myself it was the raging hormones. It's difficult enough growing up and going through all the things young people do, but add a long term partner into that and things do get worse. They're always there, making them the perfect target to lash out at when something goes wrong in your life. If I could start the last 5 years again, I would definitely try to control my temper more! However, remember that you're both growing up and going through huge life changes. There will always be up's and down's- if you can get through them, then you know you have something great!
2. Your friends and your partner may not get along...at all. It just so happened that my partner came from an entirely different social group to the one I was from. This was absolutely no bother for me or him, and we both tried, and for the most part, succeeded, to fit in with each other's friends. But there will always be friends who don't like you, and it can stir up tension. Eventually, people we knew gave us ultimatums, and obviously we chose each other- which is lucky, because look where we are today! If it doesn't happen to you, you're one of the lucky ones, as on average people lose 3-5 friends when entering into a relationship. If I could do it again, I would definitely make more of an effort to find the root of the problem and try to resolve it. 
3. If they weren't already, your partner will become your best friend. Give it a while, but you'll soon realise your partner has all the qualities you would hope a best friend would possess. The initial qualities that made them so appealing will evolve even more, you'll grow more comfortable with each other and soon it will feel like you've been the closest friends forever. Don't worry if this feeling doesn't come yet...it took me 3 years to realise my boyfriend was also my best friend, purely because I just didn't expect him to play both roles in my life!
4. You will become the same person, whether you like it or not. One day, you'll be talking with your friends and suddenly a phrase you've never used before will pop out of your mouth...a phrase your partner often uses when you converse together. That's when you know the transition has happened, you and your significant other are officially bound together and in love- yay! It will develop quickly, like an epidemic, and that one accidental phrase will become your language, your writing style, hand actions, music you listen to, films you like. Your sense of style will be your own with your partners there under the surface, ready to make an appearance. 
5. Honesty. Honesty is so important but, when so young, obviously there will be times where you're going to do things and maybe not confess them to your partner. You're not married, it's not the end of the world and if you don't get through it, it's sad but you'll know for next time. In my experience I would just stick with the phrase that honesty really is the best policy. 
6. You will hit comfort zones like never before. Suddenly, you don't care if you're wearing a full face of make up, and neither does your partner. You don't care what you're wearing, how your hair looks. You'll happily squeeze each others spots, tidy up each others eyebrows and look after each other when the other is messily throwing up. None of this will matter to either of you though, because you love each other, no matter what.
7. Rumors will arise... There will always be rumors, but being in school whilst trying to hold down a long term relationship creates the perfect breeding ground for malicious rumors to spread, stories to be shared with people you don't really feel like sharing them with and general made up spiels flying through your school. My advice? Don't let them ruin your relationship, it's really not worth it and will only give the pathetic liars with too much time on their hands exactly what they want. People love to see happy people fall- don't let it happen to you and your partner, especially over something that isn't true. 
8. Don't lose yourself entirely. Remember to be you- this relationship may not last forever. Keep up your hobbies and whatever it is you enjoy doing with your free time. Even if your relationship does last forever, it's good to be able to have space from each other to do your own thing. From my own experience, I know that being attached at the hip 24/7 leaves you no room to grow, either as an individual or a couple. Space is vital, whether you've been together 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years. Whilst sharing interests is important, being an individual is too.
9. Don't lose the trust. Similar to my point about honesty, keeping the trust strong between the pair of you is so important. If you have to have each other's passwords to all their social media accounts, and regularly have to *sneakily* check through your partners phone, it's really not going to work. Not only will it push your partner away and make them unhappy, not being sure of what your partner is up to behind your back will make you unhappy too. It's just a lose lose situation, which will end up destroying the relationship you have.
10. Make sure it's worth your time. If your relationship is having damaging effects on other areas of your life, be it school and exams, work or your relationships with other people, take a step back and ask yourself if it's worth it. If you can think of even one reason why it isn't worth it, it's maybe time to rethink where you and your partner stand. In the last 5 years, me and my partner have had countless up's and down's- you can ask anyone who knows me! However, I have not once doubted that staying together and making things work has been worth it. Remember, relationships are about being happy with someone else and about having fun together- if all of that is disappearing, maybe it's time to move on. 

So there you have it, 10 things I have learnt whilst being in a long-term relationship. Please remember, I have been in this relationship from ages 14-19 so I am still young myself- these are tips mainly for people within my age group. If you're an older reader, please don't think that I think I know it all and am telling people these are 10 strict rules! These are just things I myself have experience in and have learned from- I know each relationship is unique and people have individual problems! However, I hope I have offered a bit of help or advice for people in long term relationships, whatever stage you may be at, and don't hesitate to get in touch if you need further advice! My door (blog?) is always open!

Love from, 

Florence Grace

            

Agree with my pointers? Have some of your own? Leave them in the comments below, or get in touch using the links in the sidebar!