The impossibility of saying "no".

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Hi, I'm Flo and I have a problem...

I can't say "no". 

Okay, not in the literal sense. Obviously I can say the word "no". "Flo, do you want a banana?" "No thanks!", "Flo, do you think Donald Trump should be president?" "No, no, no, no, absolutely no".

I think what I can't say "no" to is kindness, being nice, people being nice to me. And it's starting to become a real issue. If someone asks me to do a favour and my initial reaction is to say "no", all the individual has to do is tell me some heartbreaking story about why they need my help so much (my dog is sick/my mum needs me to go shopping with her/I'm seeing my parents for the first time in ages) and I will say a big fat "yes", even if I don't want to, or sometimes even physically can't, causing me to rearrange my own plans to help somebody else. Which in the long run, sure its a nice thing for me to do, but it's also something I didn't want to do that has now inconvenienced me. 

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Another great example is when either my mum or dad go shopping with me and suggest clothes they like for me. They hold them up saying "this is so you" or "you'd look cool in this", and yet I stand inwardly cringing thinking "Really? That's how they think I dress?" (Not always of course, sometimes they pick up great pieces, especially my mum...sometimes they really don't! It goes both ways.) I don't want to hurt their feelings by saying "no" (would this even hurt their feelings?) so I always end up trying on things I don't like! 

I can't say "no" to customers either, in any of the jobs I've had/still have. Pulling back your trousers to see what size you're wearing? Okay. Carrying all of your clothes from the fitting room to the till because you view me as a personal assistant? Okay. Putting your snot ridden tissue in the bin for you? No problem.

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When it comes down to it, I don't say "no" to people, in order to keep them happy and make their life easier...but in doing so, I sacrifice my own happiness or complicate my own life. Is it selfish of me to resent that I do this? Of course, I don't mind helping people at all! But if my initial reaction is "no", and I then ruin my own day to make someone else's better, is this okay? Should I just have said "no"? 

I have tried to say "no" to people more and always I am left with a sense of guilt afterwards, knowing this person will now struggle without my help, that this person is now upset with me because I didn't like what they did. It sets my mind into overdrive and it really stresses me out, to the point where my hands will sometimes get all clammy and I have to walk away from the situation and just try to forget about it. I hate saying "no", but I really need to begin to say it more. 

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Why can't I say no? I really don't understand what's wrong with me...am I simply just too nice? Or too scared to 'upset' people, when deep down I know they probably don't even care all that much?

Let me know if you can relate to this problem in the comments below...it would be nice to know that I'm not alone!

Love from,
Florence Grace

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