"You couldn't be a model lol"

I am used to online hate. When I was younger, I had it all the time via Twitter. When I joined Tumblr, it came in thick and fast (anonymously, of course). When I signed up to Curious Cat about a month ago, it started up again. And its cool you know, it's always stupid things like "your blog is so embarrassing lol" or messages riddled with spelling errors and grammatical mistakes and I honestly just couldn't care less. I have quite thick skin and it just goes over my head. You want to sit there and anonymously insult every blog post- indicating that you're reading every blog post- then that's fine by me. You do you, boo. 

But last night I got a message that I just couldn't not comment on. Last night someone anonymously told me "you couldn't be a model lol". 

Shit man. I almost couldn't believe what I was reading. Someone was actually telling me, a size 12, chubby cheeked, snub nose girl that she couldn't be a model. I mean, wow. I'd never even thought about this before. After dealing with being over weight for so long I genuinely believed I had a shot at being a VS Angel, you know? God that really cut me deep. 

Not. 

Honestly, this comment was just laughable. Obviously, to some other people it could be very damaging, which isn't funny at all. But luckily for me, it's not the first time someone has called me ugly or fat (or in this case, insinuated those things) and I can absolutely guarantee that it won't be the last time either, and as with most of the nasty comments I get, I allowed it to simply go right over my head. But not before I had to hit back at whoever sent it first with a couple of points...

I am aware of how I look. If anyone knows me they will know just how long I've battled with my body image for, how many diets I've been on, how many quick fixes I've tried in order to look better and 'be better'. I am fully aware of how my body looks and how my face looks and I am also fully aware that even on my better days, I'm a strong 7/10 at best. I see myself in the mirror every day, I love taking selfies, I know exactly what I look like. And so yes, I know, I could never be a model. But also, I don't care. I don't want to be a model. And also...

I like how I look. After hating how I look for so long, after years of trying to avoid mirrors, being ashamed of my shape and size, I actually enjoy how I look now. I've grown to love fashion and styling myself in what I feel good in, I've become more confident in my appearance, I like playing around with makeup. Even if I, according to this anonymous person, "could never be a model", it doesn't phase me. I'll still pose in front of a camera and take endless selfies and photos with friends because regardless of how others think of me, I like how I look. And guess what? It's alright for me to love myself regardless of what anyone else thinks about me or how I look. So suck it. 

And also...

I'm happy you chose to insult my looks. I could be so many bad things. There are so many negative traits a person could have, and if you think my physical appearance is the only thing worth commenting on, well, I'm happy. I might be ugly on the surface, but you're evidently ugly to your very core. If sitting behind a computer screen sending nasty, and potentially damaging messages to people you probably don't even know all to well makes you happy or in any way 'satisfied' then I feel very, very sorry for you. You clearly need to get out more, and deal with some of those deeper rooted issues you so evidently have with yourself. 

Ordinarily, I wouldn't satisfy 'haters' with such a response, but I couldn't let this comment slide by without saying something. On a more serious note, I would just like to say how damaging this kind of comment could have been to somebody other than me. If it had been me a few years ago, I wouldn't have eaten properly for a week. I would have had a break down about how I look and become incredibly self conscious. I probably would have been an emotional wreck that my boyfriend at the time would have had to deal with again. I would have hated myself. Thankfully, I'm in a far better place and mindset nowadays, and this kind of comment doesn't impact upon me much, if at all. However, you never know how someone will take a comment like that, and it's incredibly nasty to send things, particularly anonymously, because you'd probably never dare say it to their face. Just think before you type and think again before you send. Online trolling is so unnecessary and not cool. 

You're right, whoever you are. I couldn't ever be a model. But I'm happy. I'm successful. I have some great achievements tucked under my belt already, and I achieve more and more all the time. I have an incredible bunch of family and friends who support and love me unconditionally. 

And so I would say I have quite a brilliant and fulfilling life. Wouldn't you?

Love from,

Florence Grace